I got this in my email at work today. It was accompanied by a bunch of Cyrillic letters offering something. It seems as though the only spam I get at work are messages advertising drugs and fake real estate offers in Russian. Anyway, the latest image made me chuckle out loud at my desk. Here it is:
I love how they ghost ride their bikes! This might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in years.
no not the band. my my my my sharona.
Dear Kitty:
It comes with great regret (not) to inform you that your services as a pet are no longer needed. You were once a nice, sweet playful little kitten, but now that you’ve grown you’ve turned into the cat from hell. If I wasn’t a nice guy I would have ended all 9 lives of yours years ago.
You growl like a dog at my kids. All they want to do is pet you for god’s sake. Heaven forbid they come within 4 feet of you or you go into apeshit mode and attack. I’m tired of buying band-aids every week.
Your overnight heavings of hair balls and cat food makes for a lovely way to start the day. Then you have the freaking nerve to cry and whine for me to feed you. What’s this all you can eat snarf and barf!?
Thank you so much for your caring attention to my damn sofa, love seat and chair. It’s now best used for target practice. The arm rests didn’t need any stuffing in them anyway. I’ve seen better looking sofa’s at goodwill.
I always appreciate you waking me up in the middle of the damn night meowing outside my door. If my door was open and I had a shoe I would shove it down your little furry throat! Let’s not mention when there’s a thunderstorm. My god you’re a freaking cat..I guess the name “pussy” suits you perfectly.
Maybe you were dropped on your fluffy little kitty head as a kitten because you have got to be the dumbest feline alive. Leaves tracked into the house are not some new fangled pet food you idiot. See above snarf and barf. I think the kitty god forgot to give you brains you dumbass. Oh, and the throw rugs ARE NOT a litter box! Thank goodness I have hard wood floors or you would think you live in one giant litter box to freely releive yourself as you freaking please.
Last year after you fell off my 3 story apartment balcony (dumbass) I was hoping that you would change. Here I thought that cats had good balance. See above..dropped on head. Actually I was amazed you were alive, then disappointed you didn’t run away. I thought you were gone, but nooooo… the neighbors downstairs calls. So how was it hiding in the downstairs apartment under a bed for 4 days? How many lives do you have left anyway.
So here we are it’s time to part ways. I will attempt to find you a good, loving home. One that you can destroy, torment innocent children and use as your personal heaving and pissing ground.
See ya dumbass!
***Free cat to any home***
This is just too awesome to pass on. I so wish Disney/Pixar would have the brass to release this as a product tie-in.
Video for Ray
RSS feed
